Nowadays, it has become common for movie stars to develop their own small side issues. Gwyneth Paltrow, for example, has Goop and Rob Lowe has a podcast. And then there’s Terrence Howard. Terrence Howard’s side commotion is developing a new hydrogen technology to help defend Uganda’s sovereignty.
It almost feels like a shame to back it up with anything as ugly as the details, but here it goes. Last week, War Machine actor, singer and abortionist Terrence Howard was invited by Uganda’s Agriculture Minister Frank Tumwebaze to give an address to help attract investment from people in the Ugandan diaspora.
This in itself is quite common. Making a famous person say slightly harmless things about a topic or topic has long been part of the awareness toolkit. However, this time there was a problem. The problem was that Terrence Howard does not make a gentle harmless. No, Terrence Howard just does impenetrable shit.
“I went out to explore a new way of understanding how the universe works,” he told the crowd in a video that was quickly shared by UBC Uganda. “I was able to define the big unified field equation they were looking for and put it into geometry. What I’m saying is that we’ve invented a new form of flight that I’d like to bring here to Uganda to replace drones, to replace helicopters, to replace planes … This is the geometry of hydrogen ”.
He went on and on, somehow managing to pile up the value of several decades of gobbledygook in two short minutes. He talked about his new drone system, the Lynchpin, which can apparently use unlimited hydrogen bonds and supersymmetry to form swarming colonies that can defend countries and remove plastics from the ocean.
Now, obviously, that sounds wonderful, because who doesn’t want to have safer borders and cleaner seas backed by the power of supersymmetry? So I searched Google for “Super Symmetry” and found a website called Super Symmetrical Systems, which does nothing more than talk about how the purpose of humanity “was deliberately marked in our genetic code. intertwined for us to seek the Greater Truth, to remember lost echoes of conversations from the past, and to reveal what has never been discovered. “
So I started clicking and found a link to the site called “Terry on Wave Fields”. This led me to the place where Terrence Howard explains his infamous (and possibly inaccurate) claim that one multiplied by one equals two. It contains a video entitled “Terrence proves that gravity is an effect not a cause”, subtitled by an explanation of phenomena such as “hyperbolic geometric inertial systems” and “Non-Euclidean chiral asymmetries of moving force”. It also contains another video, by Terrence Howard singing the second song from an album he released in 2008.
Anyway, to sum it up, I am now convinced that Terrence Howard is the smartest man in the universe. It has to be, for sure. Because I don’t understand a single thing of what he says. And, by all accounts, no one else.
Below the UBC tweet, you’ll find dozens of people who don’t know how to react to their solution of the unified field equation. All the coverage he received, far from attracting money from the diaspora to Uganda, only really achieves a kind of jammed inability to process anything. Even the people surrounding Howard in the clip start to seem actively uncomfortable the more he keeps talking, just like you do when you realize you’re too deep into a conversation with a Jehovah’s Witness to politely withdraw.
Well, listen, one of two things will happen here. Or Terrence Howard has become a banana and has reacted to the disintegration of his personal reputation (he has been accused of domestic abuse several times) by falling into a hole of obscure math that will ensure he is never taken seriously again. Or he is right and one day he will have an army of supersymmetric assassination drones armed at his solitary disposal. And I don’t exactly want to put myself on their bad side if that happens, so excuse me for sitting on the fence.