There are so many things to do in Disney Dreamlight Valley.
According to the latest Nintendo Direct Mini trailer last night, the land of Dreamlight Valley was once “an idyllic land.” That was, of course, until all his things stunk. Everything went to the crapper, the houses disappeared, the ducks were sad. It was a dark time.
The stinker in question? A mysterious force called ‘Oblivion’. I know The Forgetting too well, as I’m a Silly Sally who does forget. I would forget my heinie if I wasn’t farting. Is that the phrase? I think it is.
Anyway, The Forgetting got to work smelling the place and now it sucks, so it’s up to the playable Character to spray some Air Wick and get the stink out. And well, that playable character maybe is me!
In addition to fixing Dreamlight Valley (because it looks like Disney characters can’t do anything without the help of a random stranger), you can also do fun activities with the different Disney characters who live on earth. From the look of the trailer, the activities seem to line up with all the shit of the characters.
You cook with Ratatouille’s Remy Rat, clean up the trash and raise a new life with Wall-E’s Wall-E, and go fishing with the abomination of Frozen’s Snow Olaf.
But what else is there to do? More importantly, what else is there not to do? I’ve decided to look at the many characters in the Disney franchise and give you some ideas on what you probably can’t do at Disney Dreamlight Valley.
Damn the wooden kids to a real life with the Blue Fairy
Image: Disney
Some may think that what the Blue Fairy did was very enjoyable, but we must remember that she basically gave life to a child and immediately cursed him.
I think one of the activities at Disney Dreamlight Valley will probably not be finding the wooden children’s creations of sad, lonely old men and bringing them to life … at a price. You probably couldn’t even choose the curse.
For example: you can give life to a wooden child, but every time he lies, one of his teeth becomes sensitive, a face grows on him and he will always scream.
But you can’t do that, I’m sorry.
Smoking with the caterpillar
Image: Disney
The whole situation of Alice in Wonderland is full of illicit drug use. They are all clearly into something.
Still, the caterpillar looks pretty cold, so I think a fantastic activity would be to get on a 2004 Toyota Camry Altise with the caterpillar and hotbox it with a big smelly, fat doink. You just have to smoke with this type of roly-poly. But alas, this is a game full of children’s media characters, so you probably won’t be able to do that.
Even though the caterpillar got high on the Disney movie, you’re not allowed to.
Eat 60 eggs at once with Gaston
Image: Disney
Gaston looks like this because when he was a child he ate 48 eggs once in the morning, and then he went on to 60 eggs when he became an adult.
I think it would make sense for an activity at Disney Dreamlight Valley to force you to eat 60 eggs at once. Specifically after lighting with the caterpillar. During this process, you are getting terribly ill. This is disgusting, what are you doing. Just for that reason, I don’t think it shows up, as it could scare the other Disney characters away.
Let them tell you the saddest things you’ve ever heard with Eeyore
Image: Disney
This is one I definitely don’t think they will include.
You have to sit with the saddest ass in the world for 4 hours straight while he tells you all the sadness in the world. These activities would be inevitable, vital at the end of the game, they have to be done every day and you can’t turn off the console or computer while they are occurring. War, famine, sad facts about animals, hard memories of your own mortality. These are all things Eeyore would review.
Why do I think this wouldn’t appear in Disney Dreamlight Valley? Well, it’s not at all fun, obviously.
Stealing what you need from Scrooge McDuck
Image: Disney
This is less an activity WITH Scrooge McDuck, but rather an ACT ON Scrooge McDuck.
Scrooge McDuck, according to Forbes ’Fictional List 15, is worth $ 65.4 billion. It’s too much money for a duck, but it seems unlikely you’ll be allowed to take its exorbitant wealth.
In fact, according to the trailer, it looks like maybe you should help him rebuild his mansion. I hate that. You should be able to steal the duck.
Jokes aside, I have to admit that I’ll probably play this game at launch, and I’ll probably have fun. However, I want to be able to steal Scrooge McDuck.