image: Mary T. Kelly, UBC researcher. See more
Credit: Mary T. Kelly
The popular stereotype that men don’t want to support during a breakup, separation, or divorce is simply not true, according to a new article from researchers at the UBC School of Nursing.
Many men actually seek help by accessing online resources, coaches, and self-help books, or approach friends, family, and community groups, and some have professional counselors.
The lead author, Dr. John Oliffe (he / she), a professor of nursing who runs the men’s health research program at UBC, and co-author of the research Mary T. Kelly (she / she) say that men can be witty and resilient while working. way through a painful change of relationship.
“A failed relationship can cause significant mental stress: men already have more risk of suicide than women, and marital separation increases that risk fourfold. By exploring the ways in which men seek help after a breakup, rupture, we can design better supports for your mental health, ”says Kelly.
“It’s also important to change the narrative,” adds Oliffe, Canada’s Chair of Research in Men’s Health Promotion. “The story that is told most often is that when a relationship breaks up, the man goes into crisis and / or perpetrates violence on his partner, but this is not the trajectory of most men. It is useful that boys see that most breakups are over, with men working to overcome their challenges by getting help. “
Search for creative help
“We know that men seek help when an intimate relationship is broken, but we’ve always thought they were looking for professional help. Our research shows that they used a variety of strategies creatively,” says Oliffe.
One is to do solitary work and come to established connections. About a quarter of men said they did a lot of internet searches for blogs, coaches and other resources. These guys were usually younger or their relationships were shorter. They contacted friends or family, not necessarily to find a solution, but to chat, or read self-help books.
Men who had been in long-term relationships, where there are children involved, or who might be dealing with litigation, asset splitting, etc., were more likely to make new connections and seek help from the community, such as groups or local parent groups. of men who have gone through separation or divorce.
About half of the men hired professional mental health services, such as counseling. They were usually men who had a pre-existing mental illness or those who needed formal help to overcome the enormity of what they were feeling.
Break stereotypes
This article breaks the stereotype that men don’t go to the doctor and don’t want help, Mary Kelly points out.
“I find the trope that men aren’t emotional and aren’t affected as much as the rest of us by a breakup. We also tend to think that men don’t do introspection or vulnerability, but a lot of men really were. of deep work “.
Resources and some tips
Kelly adds that there aren’t many resources to help boys build better relationships. “However, our group at UBC is working on some projects. With the support of Movember, we are creating an online resource for men who want to learn more about how to deal with relationship conflicts and build relationship skills. We are also looking currently participating in a new project that will invite men to share their ideas on what contributes to a healthy relationship. “
For men who are currently facing a breakup, Oliffe recommends taking the time to “sit down with the emotions that accompany the breakup. You can be sad and happy, angry and sad at the same time. Look to reconnect or stay connected with friends. and family members. Be careful with substance use. Maintain a routine, get some exercise, and be open to asking for professional help. “
Language (s) of the interview: English (Oliffe, Kelly)
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The study, Mapping Men’s Mental Health Help-Seeking After an Intimate Partner Relationship Break-Up, is based on 47 in-depth interviews with a cross-section of Canadian and Australian men. It was funded by Movember and published in the journal Qualitative Health Research.
magazine
Qualitative health research
Research method
Literature review
Research topic
People
Article title
Mapping the search for help for men’s mental health after a breakup of the intimate relationship
Date of publication of the article
June 25, 2022
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