Do you know this story about the Johnsonians who want to put a tree house in the garden at number 10? I don’t think it was for the kids. It was for Boris. You can imagine him up there, away from his troubles, with a big pile of Beanos and a sign that says “Girls are not allowed” …
Partygate is not going anywhere; Deputies are about to judge him; and on Tuesday Simon Case, the cabinet secretary, clashed with the constitutional committee (not an easy job when you work for the naughtiest boy in school). Case, who looks like the prefect in no big head, initially walked in a clever line between revelation and secrecy, but fell short of John McDonnell, a man whose interrogation technique could not be more terrifying. if he wore a balaclava.
How about the accusation that Boris tried to get a job for his girlfriend, McDonnell asked? “Without knowing,” Case replied. Have you researched? “No.” Why not? “An investigation … can only be authorized by the prime minister.”
“Don’t you feel like it?” asked President William Wragg, biting with a baby face.
McDonnell didn’t laugh. He has not laughed since the fall of the Berlin Wall. He went back to work: do you have no responsibility to maintain the standards? In this case, he let out a hesitation: “I’m VERY aware of my responsibilities,” he growled, “and I take them very seriously … I’ve done it throughout my career and I continue to do so!”
The general implication of his statements was that the Government does not have a formal system of compliance: we rely on custom. If ministers want to be ethical, this is dandy, and officials are available to advise them. If they don’t, it’s all a bit Lord of the Flies. An official could always protest and resign, but given the pension from which he would move away, obviously this would not be in the national interest, so the government gets angry and Whitehall just stares. Case admitted that he now devotes up to 30 percent of his time to considering ethical issues, which, given what he told us, must be a waste of taxpayers ’money. How to try to teach the road code to a cat.
Some customs die hard
Going back to McDonnell, I wasn’t happy. Case had done “angry,” and “angry” is McDonnell’s thing. So on his second round with the Blower, he asked, if anyone at number 10 has lied to the press and is disciplined for it, will they tell us? “No,” Case replied, because we don’t have an opinion on internal management, and besides, unions might have something to say about it.
“I’ve been a unionist all my working life!” said McDonnell, the class war burning in his veins, “so don’t tell me what the unions are talking about!” Case lowered his eyes and said, “I don’t want to fall for you.”
In the good old days, when a teacher administered a thrashing, the student shook his hand afterwards, and when the committee session was over and the cameras were off, Case approached McDonnell, apologized for what he said, and he shook her hand. It is a pleasure to see that some customs die hard.