Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert was “still very hot and bothered about that FBI raid at Mar-a-Lago” Wednesday evening, he said on the Late Show. “Turns out my twist is the consequences.”
The FBI’s surprise search of Trump’s private residence in Florida, for which they had a search warrant, was part of a long-running investigation into whether the former president took classified records from the White House. “Spoiler: He did. We already know he did,” Colbert said.
“Whatever it is, it’s always what you thought, but worse than you imagined. He incited an insurrection, he blackmailed Ukraine, he put the bop on the bop shoo bop shoo bop. He put the ram on the ram lama ding dong , then got the rama lama ding dong to sign an NDA.
“He’s already admitted that he did it,” Colbert continued, since seven months ago, Trump revealed that he had illegal possession of classified material when he returned 15 boxes of it to the National Archives. During Monday’s search, the FBI recovered another 12 boxes from the basement storage area.
“Is that where he kept the secret government documents? In a basement in Florida?” Colbert marveled. “Wasn’t there room in the kiddie pool full of pythons and mold?
“It’s worse,” he continued, because only after Trump’s lawyers were instructed to secure the room last spring did they add a padlock. “So before, it was just open,” Colbert explained. “It would make a great action movie – National Treasure 3: Found It Behind the Christmas Ornaments!”
Trevor Noah
On the Daily Show, Trevor Noah turned to a different legal issue for the former president: the New York attorney general’s investigation into his business practices, for which Trump has refused to answer questions citing the Fifth Amendment . “Did Trump decide not to speak?” Noah laughed. “Now we know something shady is going on, right? Because when has Donald Trump ever refused to talk? We can’t get the man to stop talking!
“Donald Trump not speaking is like Taylor Swift taking the bus, that’s nothing!” added. “I didn’t even know this guy was capable of not talking.”
Noah noted good reasons to plead fifth regardless of guilt, though “there are some people who really believe that if you plead fifth, you’re guilty. And one of those people is Donald J Trump,” Noah previously said of a series of clips in which Trump equated declaring the fifth to an admission of guilt.
“It’s really amazing how of all Trump’s enemies, his worst enemy is just him from the past,” Noah said. “This guy is relentless. Today’s Trump is probably going, ‘Why doesn’t this guy shut up, it’s so easy.'” Just watch, take it easy.
“So when someone else calls for the fifth, Trump says it proves he’s a criminal. But now that Trump’s on the hot seat, all of a sudden he sees it differently,” Noah concluded. “And maybe it’s because his lawyers explained it to him in a way that he could understand: They said, ‘Look, sir, it’s like signing an NDA, but with yourself.'”
Jimmy Fallon
And on the Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon also expressed surprise that Trump would ask for the fifth. “Trump said, ‘I’m not saying anything that’s self-incriminating, that’s what my rallies are for,'” Fallon joked.
“In the past, Trump has said that only the guilty and mobsters plead the fifth, to which the FBI said, ‘So which one are you?’ “
Fallon also discussed the FBI’s search of Mar-a-Lago after a confidential informant told them what documents Trump had and where he kept them. “Right now, Rudy Giuliani is thinking, ‘Oh shit, did I dial the FBI again?'” Fallon joked.
“Nobody knows who it is but Eric [Trump] I just started wearing a pin that says “The FBI’s Little Helper”.
And a federal court ruled that Trump must turn over his tax returns to Congress. “Americans are saying, ‘Your taxes? God, that was like 10 scandals ago,” Fallon said. “Right now, there are more Trump investigations than streaming platforms.”