HEADS UP
Two of the big beasts of Euro 2022 will face Brighton on Monday evening, with Sarina Wiegman’s England facing a highly talented Norwegian team. It has been listed as the most important match in Group A and it is true that the stakes cannot be higher: it is almost certain that the glorious winners will lead the group and face the runners-up in Group B, whether Germany is ridiculously dominant or ridiculously impressive Spain. The sad losers, meanwhile, will almost certainly finish second in the group and face the winners of Group B, either ridiculously dominant Spain or ridiculously impressive Germany.
However, there seems to be a bit of a needle between the sides. Before the match, Norwegian coach Martin Sjögren put on his Derren Brown vest, stuck to his Paul McKenna DVD and launched himself into a furious Mind Games attack. Norway is “definitely” the disadvantaged, he said, when members of the assembled press began to wonder if they really wanted to rob a bank. England “feeling a lot of pressure to be at home, to be one of the favorites,” he said, as several photographers suddenly realized they knew the pins and passwords of all their families. There were “a lot of nerves” in England’s performance against Austria in the first game, he said, as reporters went to the door, desperate to get to the nearest casino to put their vital savings at 46 red.
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England coach Wiegman, however, had none. “You’re talking about someone who is saying something about us, who hasn’t been with the team and the process, but it’s okay, and it’s good that they’re trying to pressure us,” he growled. “We’re just working on our game and how we want to play.” No doubt his game will have to improve from his first 1-0 win over Austria. Norway’s threat is undoubted, with Guro Reiten of Chelsea, Caroline Graham Hansen of Barcelona and Ada Hederberg, winner of the 2018 Women’s Golden Ball, all able to take advantage if the hosts have any nervousness, real, imaginary or implanted subliminally.
LIVE ON THE GREAT WEBSITE!
Join Luke McLaughlin from 5pm BST for 3-0 Austria-Northern Ireland MBM coverage at Euro 2022, before Rob Smyth is on the cover for England 1-1 Norway .
APPOINTMENT OF THE DAY
“We all have good days and bad days”: Valor FC captain Daryl Fordyce offers his support to teammate W1lly Akio after the striker prevented his own team from scoring a goal with, what we at least believe, a premature celebration of the goal line for centuries. “We’ll all grow with that,” coach Phillip Dos Santos said after the 1-0 win.
WHAT HAVE WE PROVIDED !? 👀
One of the strangest sequences in football history, as this player celebrates a “goal” too soon and throws the ball into the sky BEFORE he completely crosses the line 💀 # FIFA22 | #FUT | #soccer pic.twitter.com/JdTrfaE0ss
– OneSoccer (@onesoccer) July 10, 2022
FIVE LETTERS
“Gags in Latin and a Barry Fry urinating on the same letter (Friday’s Fiver). I don’t know if The Fiver has reached its zenith or its nadir? “Andrew Taylor.”
After Steve Allen’s letter (Friday’s Fiver letters), has anyone’s Latin teacher ever thought they could come up with something? My total praise was “hold a high position without seeming to strive,” a mantra I’ve tried to follow ever since – Clive Stone.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our no-prize letter of the day is … Rollover.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Paul Pogba has rejoined Juventus on a four-year contract. “He left as a child and returns as a man,” said a statement from Juve, easily reminding us how time works.
Juve fans welcome Paul Pogba to Turin. Photography: Ansa / AFP / Getty Images
Northern Ireland have pledged to fight their injured forward Simone Magill against Austria. “The girls have broken hearts,” said Captain Marissa Callaghan. “There were a lot of tears for her, but it’s a huge incentive for us to go out and get a result.”
Switzerland is recovering after canceling training on Monday ahead of the upcoming European Championship match against Sweden, with eight players and 11 staff members showing “gastrointestinal symptoms”.
Iran may be on its way to the Human Rights World Cup, but head coach Dragan Skocic will be sent off.
Erik ten Hag has dared Cristiano Ronaldo to tell him he wants to leave Manchester United because presumably the noise from the people at CR7 was not loud enough. “I’ve read [about his wish] but what I’m saying is that Cristiano isn’t for sale, ”roared Ten Hag. “I didn’t talk to him … his absence is a personal problem.”
Crystal Palace have signed midfielder Cheick Doucouré from Lens on a five-year deal.
And Nottingham Forest boss Steve Cooper appears to be talking about the size of Neco Williams’ apartment after welcoming the £ 17million winger to the club from Liverpool. “We think it has an incredibly high ceiling,” Cooper said.
DO YOU WANT MORE?
“I know that everyone talks about my age, that I am older. But I don’t completely agree ”- Dani Alves is setting the stage for this entertaining talk by Thiago Rabelo.
Dani Alves, before. Photography: Charly Triballeau / AFP / Getty Images
How football is cause for optimism in Palestine. By John Duerden.
Jamie Jackson has some tips for Erik ten Hag.
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