A survivor of the Grenfell disaster says she has moments when she forgets what happened and finds herself “driving towards the tower.”
“And I say, my God, where are you going? You don’t live there anymore,” says Hanan Wahabi.
The blaze destroyed the structure five years ago on Tuesday and killed 72 people, including 18 children, in the worst residential fire in the UK since World War II.
Hanan finds it missing “everything” about his old house.
“It was, as some say, a vertical village,” he explains. “Now he just feels very lonely. Time is not a healer.”
Image: Hanan Wahabi has a chain worn by his brother the night he died
Hanan lived on the ninth floor of the West London landmark for 15 years, and raised his two children there: Zak, now 21, and Sara, 13.
They survived the fire, but Hanan’s brother and his family did not.
Abdulaziz, a hospital porter, and his wife, Faouzia, lived on the 21st floor of the 182nd floor with their three children, Yasin, 20, Nur Huda, 15, and Mehdi, eight.
“They were such a loving family,” Hanan says. “There was a lot of laughter, a lot of dry humor in that house.”
Although the fire destroyed most of the family photographs, Hanan has some things left of his flat and his brother’s.
Image: Hanan’s brother Abdulaziz died in the fire
Some of her sister-in-law’s Moroccan pottery was saved from the ashes and now live in Hanan’s kitchen, carefully wrapped in cling film.
He loves them but nothing compares to a chain that belonged to his brother.
“He wore this the night he died,” Hanan says, opening the black jewelry box where he keeps it. Keep her by your side in her room to keep her close.
“It’s so special to have him. You can see where he burned a little on the fire.”
Immediately after the disaster, Hanan and his family stayed at a nearby Premier Inn, sharing a room for 18 months.
It had a “significant impact,” he says.
“PTSD started quickly. I just remember that as a parent you want to protect your children so that they don’t see your difficulties and challenges.
“There was no protection there. I just remember constantly collapsing. I got to the point where I was locked in the bathroom so my kids couldn’t see, but they could still hear.”
Image: Hanan’s sister-in-law and niece and nephews also died
Hanan has been rehousing in the area, but not close enough to see the tower.
“I’m glad to have a roof over my head, but Grenfell was my home,” he says. “I still think of it as my home.”
Last year, Hanan had to quit her job as a teacher for almost 20 years after her panic attacks and anxiety got too much.
“I’m not the person I was before Grenfell. In September 2017, even though my whole family hadn’t been there at the time, I went back to work, not because I could do my job properly, but because I was ‘the only place where it was the same for me. This is my safe place.
“But sometimes I struggled; when I heard fire alarms, for example, I collapsed in front of children.”
Image: Hanan has some of his sister-in-law’s Moroccan pottery
Although an ongoing public investigation has uncovered a litany of mistakes, failures and corporate complacency, no one has been charged with a felony.
Hanan says his trauma has been exacerbated by the shocking testimony in the hearings and the fact that no one has been held responsible.
“It’s the unknown. All our lives have been thrown into the air and we’ve seen few changes,” he says.
“We can smile, laugh, joke, but the only way to do that is to hit chalk in every hole.
“We have massive wounds. We cover them, but we can only do it for a short time and then, when those doors are closed, (when) you don’t see us, we’re broken.”