Gay rights activists have welcomed Dame Kelly Holmes’ decision to leave at the age of 52, in a way that raised questions about how many older people are afraid to be open about their sexuality after growing up. more homophobic times.
The two-time Olympic gold medalist lifted a painful 34-year-old public silence on her sexuality on Sunday, saying she felt like she was going to “explode with emotion” when she finally left after years of feeling depressed, anxious. and even suicide. , keeping his secret from all but family and close friends.
Holmes, who realized she was a lesbian when she kissed a fellow soldier in the army in 1988, told the Sunday Mirror, “It was illegal to be gay in the military. The risk, if you were caught, was I was wanted in the Armed Forces from the age of 14 and I was desperate to stay, so I couldn’t let them know, but it was very hard. because it consumed my life with fear. “
She described how after winning gold medals in the 800 and 1,500 m at the 2004 Athens Olympics, she was worried that she would be left out.
“The reason he didn’t want me to go out was because I didn’t really know people in sports … who were gay,” he said. “The ban on the army had only been lifted for four years [before] and he had never asked anyone if there was any retribution if he said anything. It was still absolutely petrified.
“I needed to do this now, for me,” he told the Sunday Mirror. “It simply came to our notice then. I’m nervous to say that. I get the feeling of exploding with emotion. Sometimes I cry for relief. By the time this comes out, I’m essentially getting rid of that fear. “
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Figures from the National Bureau of Statistics released last month showed that far fewer people in the Holmes generation were willing to identify as gay than younger adults. In 2020, only 2% of people aged 50 to 64 said they were gay, lesbian or bisexual, compared to 4.5% of people aged 25 to 34.
Holmes said that when he first realized he was gay, in 1988, Britain was caught in the panic of AIDS, which stigmatized gays. Schools were banned from “promoting homosexuality” under the section 28 rule that ran from 1988 to 2003 in England and Wales, and until 2000 in Scotland. Army gays could be fired until the year 2000 and some were subjected to a court martial.
“Kelly Holmes is the tip of the iceberg,” said gay rights advocate Peter Tatchell, adding that there were “several other great British sporting beginnings that have failed to come out”.
“They grew up in a time of often toxic homophobia, and while Britain is more liberal today, they have been marked by this lifelong experience,” he said.
Holmes said: “There have been many dark times when I wish I could call myself gay, but I couldn’t. I was convinced all my life that if I admitted to being gay in the military, I would still be in trouble. “.
Holmes told the Sunday Mirror that when he was 23 his barracks were searched by royal military police and he believed it was to find out if any of the soldiers were lesbians.
In 2003 he was cut with scissors before the World Athletics Championships in France. She recalled: “I was in the bathroom of a campground and I literally wanted to scream so loud I turned on the tap to turn off my tears. I didn’t want to be here anymore.”
“I really hope this is a wake-up call for anyone involved in prejudice and exclusion today,” said Robbie de Santos, a spokesman for the Stonewall charity, who said. ” It was wonderful for Dame Kelly Holmes to feel able to share it, the truth with the world. “
“It’s not just a cultural war,” De Santos said. “It’s about the long-term impact on people.”
“We hope that there will be many more people living in the shadow of homophobia, biphobia and transphobia for many decades; a lot of people feel like they’re being judged by friends and family, “he said. in those around him. “