That was why Walkerden called the Red Nose Bereavement and Loss Helpline (1300 308 307, available 24 hours a day).
Between July 2021 and June 2022, volunteers experiencing the sudden and unexpected loss of a child received 5,238 calls, a 20% increase on the previous year.
Red Nose Executive Director Keren Ludski said the prolonged COVID-19 restrictions and lockdowns had eroded normal support structures for grieving families, creating an even greater need for the service.
“We’ve had parents who haven’t been able to see their families or attend their support groups,” she said.
Ludski said anyone affected by the death of a child or pregnancy loss can call the helpline knowing the person on the other end understands their pain.
“They don’t have to justify their feelings,” Ludski said. “They can tell us about their experience without worrying about being a burden.”
Natasha Walkerden with her baby girl Leila. Credit:
Walkerden’s daughter Leila lived for 12 days, and every day her mother and father, Jake, reached over to hold their baby skin-to-skin.
“She caught what would have been a common cold for us, but her little body just couldn’t handle it,” Walkerden said.
Leila’s death took several days to sink in.
“That’s when my milk dried up. All my hormones were protesting the fact that there was no more baby to feed. That’s when it hit me that he was gone,” she said.
Walkerden retreated into herself after Leila’s funeral. He barely left the house and stopped eating.
“I knew I needed to talk to someone,” she said. “Being able to call Red Nose to talk to other bereaved parents and having a support worker, Rachel, come to the house made it easier to open up.”
Her support worker helped her through the emotional turmoil when, around Leila’s due date, she and her husband Jake realized she was pregnant again.
The program offers support to parents immediately following the death, neonatal death or unexpected death of a baby.
“It was bittersweet and exciting and terrifying,” Walkerden said of her pregnancy with son Lachlan, who is now six-and-a-half months along.
“We were very fortunate to know exactly where to go for support,” he said.
About 3000 babies and young children die suddenly and unexpectedly in Australia every year.
Ludski urged people who support bereaved parents to get used to “sitting with discomfort.”
“Instead of trying to make them feel better, give them space to feel the sadness, the anger and the guilt, which is very difficult to talk about,” she said.
“Avoid any sentence that starts with ‘at least,'” he said. “‘At least you know you can get pregnant,’ ‘at least you’re young.’ It minimizes their experience.”
“Instead, try saying, ‘I don’t know what to say,’ ‘I’m so, so sad that this happened to you,’ ‘I want to try to make you feel better, but I know I can’t,'” she said .
“Talk about their baby. Remember their birthdays and anniversaries and make room for those conversations,” she said.
Red Nose recently received four years of federal government funding to expand its hospice-at-home pilot nationally to support parents in the immediate aftermath of bereavement, neonatal death or sudden unexpected death .
“The program gives bereaved parents the support of someone with lived experience who can say, ‘These are some things to think about if you’re planning a funeral’ or ‘Do you need help filling in Centrelink forms or with your of work”. ?'”
Red Nose currently provides one-to-one support to 1,070 people who are experiencing the loss of a baby or pregnancy. The support service aims to raise $800,000 before Red Nose Day on August 12 to fund research, education and initiatives towards the goal of zero unexpected baby deaths in Australia.
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