In one in five couples, respondents said the mental load was shared, but in 78% of households in the sample, the mental load was “always or normally” carried by the mother. In a third, she was “always” the mother.
Baxter said the stress of overseeing an endless list of mental tasks, as well as the work and care of children, which are often shared between parents, is taking its toll.
“We call it the invisible, enduring, and limitless problem because no one ever sees it.”
Dr Brendan Churchill, Professor of Sociology at the University of Melbourne
“I can see the impact mainly on the data … when you both work full time it’s stressful and tiring. I see it from what parents say [in written answers].
“When you go to work you can’t disconnect, you still have to think about making appointments with the pediatric dentist, birthdays, social activities, health, nutritional and educational needs and development. It would be a pretty typical date [in the surveys]”she said.
About why this happens, he said, “I’d like to have an answer.”
“Since the 50’s, when we had women at home and men as bras, that’s how it was done, she was at home full time doing everything she thought. We haven’t mentally moved on from that. “
The highly gendered nature of the mental burden was “a continuing source of frustration” for women. Many said their male partner was willing to do more, but they needed to ask for them or struggle with the job flexibility that would allow them to share the task.
Chiropractor Diana Pakzamir, whose daughters are 10 months and three years old, runs a business, as does her husband, and sees many full-time working mothers play a family role similar to hers, carrying the mental burden. of the family.
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“They’re health appointments, checking teeth, gifts for a child’s birthday party, what kind of food they eat, how much nutrition they introduce, they’re doing enough physical activity,” Pakzamir said.
“[How families juggle childcare] it’s different from years ago, and what I see with friends is that it will be part of it, but the mental burden is on you.
“I see these amazing mothers who are working and doing business, they are in a very similar position: you are the one who coordinates it and they [their partner] they are helping ”.
Brendan Churchill, a professor of sociology at the University of Melbourne, said her study with Professor Lyn Craig on the division of work in two-wage households had shown that women were “really dissatisfied with the way women were divided. things “.
“They were generally unhappy with that, and it got worse during the pandemic.”
The couple’s longitudinal research found that while the gap between the amount of childcare provided by men and women closed during the pandemic, the gap in household chores and household management tasks did not. do.
Broadcaster and podcaster Ash London said she knew the mental burden usually fell on mothers, so she and her husband talked about the division of labor.
“Women continued to do more than housekeeping; some of these things could be perceived as mental load and we saw it, ”Churchill said.
“We call it the invisible, enduring, and limitless problem because no one ever sees it.”
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Craig and Churchill also found that parents often do “fun tasks” with their children, such as exercise or play. “But they don’t see all the mental things behind it [family life] which never ends and involves mental load and planning. Women are moving forward. “
Craig said that during years of research, there had been a change in behavior in families and the emotional desire of parents to be more involved in practical family life had increased.
“Both men and women think more father involvement is a good thing, and men over time are becoming more practical with children,” she said.
Although the gap in daycare was closing, the gap in home management was not. “The gender division of labor is a sticky issue,” he said.
Sydney broadcaster and podcaster Ash London said that before giving birth to her son, Buddy, she talked to her husband about how family work would be divided, as she was already aware that the mental burden usually fell on mothers.
“We had a great discussion before we even made the decision to have Buddy. I was very aware of that [he was] given an inch, it would take on too much of me, ”London said.
Amanda Goss works 50-60 hours a week with her husband, but she still does most of the family administration.
“We had to be very practical, and that came down to things like the kind of work I would and wouldn’t do at home. Physical load is easy to divide and conquer, but I don’t know if it’s possible to split mental load.”
Gold Coast mother Amanda Goss, who works 40-50 hours a week running the HerbiDoor vegan food company with her husband, describes the mental burden as “challenging and a little overwhelming some days.”
“Loving your kids and what you do makes it a little easier,” she said, and it helps to share household chores.
“But there are definitely days when you say, ‘My God, this is just breaking me.’ Especially when the kids have been sick … and they have to cancel everything and reschedule it.”
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