Illustration: Nintendo / Amazon / Kotaku
If, like me, you’re intrigued by recent reviews of Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes and searched for a copy on Amazon, the online retailer probably answered with a funny question: “You mean Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Holes?” Thank you to ask, Bezos-mart, but no, I literally didn’t mean any of that.
Three Hopes is the next Warriors-style sequel to Fire Emblem: Three Houses, the 2019 game that rekindled almost everyone’s love for the Nintendo classic series. Other franchises have also received musou treatment in recent years, most notably The Legend of Zelda and Persona 5. People seem to be so excited about Three Hopes, however, that they are writing mass searches, or at least enough that the algorithms of Amazon thinks “Three Holes” might be the actual subtitle of the game.
And it’s not just me. Social media is full of similar stories of people who went looking for Three Hopes on Amazon, just to wonder if they meant “Three Holes.” In fact, a Twitter search for “Fire Emblem Three Holes” reveals that several people use the term both jokingly and by mistake outside the context of Amazon. Perhaps the very romantic twist the series has taken with modern installments makes it impossible for people to avoid imagining lewd scenarios while buying this spin-off.
I guess the only question left is whether “Three Holes” refers to a single person or a kind of polyamorous, multi-lover scenario. I can’t believe I just wrote it.
Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes hits Switch this Friday, June 24th. Players will be able to get rid of this nonsense from their systems when the full game is finally available, but based on experience, I hope everyone goes too far with their love. and the attraction to these digital characters. As long as you all keep your wandering eyes away from Yuri, my real boyfriend, we won’t have any problems.