Trevor Noah
In the month since the Robb Elementary shooting in Uvalde, Texas, killed 19 children and two adults, revelations about police response to the crisis have sparked public protest and a Texas security chief has described the operation of an “abject failure.” “This story is getting worse,” Trevor Noah told the Daily Show on Tuesday. “Every time we learn something, it gets worse.”
Uvalde police had assault rifles, body armor and ballistic shields.
What else were they waiting for? Mario’s invincible star? pic.twitter.com/e6VXGZNspT
– The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) June 22, 2022
“We already knew they waited too long to face the shooter,” he said, referring to the 70 minutes the officers spent waiting before storming the classroom where the shooter was hiding. “But now we find out they lied about not having enough weapons to get in.” Officers had assault rifles, body armor and ballistic shields, “so sorry, what else were they waiting for? Mario’s invincible star? “Noah wondered.” How come you don’t get in? “
Uvalde police also did not try to enter the classroom. The department previously stated that officers had to wait for a key because the door was closed, but the Texas director of public safety announced Tuesday that the door was never closed. “Have they never tried to open it?” Noah got angry. “Which is ridiculous. Even people waiting outside like a closed bathroom at Starbucks will move the handle in two minutes, just to be safe.
“But it turns out these cops couldn’t do what the Jurassic Park dinosaurs took five minutes to learn.”
The tragic irony, Noah continued, was that “the only time it would have been appropriate to go with light weapons, the police decide to have a picnic outside. But if you’re black, or you have a broken tail light, then all of a sudden they put Rambo in your ass.
“It’s another reminder that you can’t just rely on what the police say,” he concluded. “Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like BT aint for me either. But that doesn’t mean you have to trust everything they say after an incident.
“What we’ve learned is that the police in the United States use basically the same principle as young children: they’ll tell the truth, but only if it doesn’t bother them.”
Stephen Colbert
At the Late Show, Stephen Colbert summed up the third public hearing of the House Select Committee on Jan. 6, in which Rep. Liz Cheney spoke directly to the home audience: “Don’t be distracted by politics. We can’t let America become a nation of conspiracy theories and bullying violence. “
“It’s true,” Colbert said, “because if we do, the reptiles that run the new world order will steal our backbone and use them as radio towers to transmit our location to Bill Gates.”
On Tuesday, the committee heard Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, whom Trump criticized after the 2020 election in a one-hour phone call asking him to cancel the results. “So what are we going to do here, folks? I only need 11,000 votes. Give me a break,” Trump said.
“That’s pathetic,” Colbert said. “It simply came to our notice then. It’s like watching an old man try to get an extra pancake at Denny’s: “What are we doing here, folks? I just need one more pancake, buddies. And then I had a big slam. “Give me a break, and the state of Georgia.”
The committee also produced text messages between a Pence aide and an aide to Senator Ron Johnson in which they both discuss a list of possible fake voters. “What surprised me when I saw it this afternoon was that the treacherous text string started simply with‘ sup, ’” Colbert said. “A pretty quiet way to bring down democracy. ‘Sup? OMG, let’s sit down alternative voters for lolz!'”
Seth Meyers
And on Late Night, Seth Meyers spoke of a new interview with former Vice President Mike Pence, in which he said that after the January 6 attack on the Capitol, he and Trump “talked about it” and then ” We rolled up our sleeves and just worked together. ”
“I don’t buy it,” Meyers said. “The only way Trump rolled over was to sell a fake Rolex.”
Pence also said he would always be proud to have served with Trump, “because in the end, there is no stronger bond than Stockholm Syndrome,” Meyers said.
Trump, meanwhile, said he has not asked Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis if he will run for president in 2024, but he believes he would defeat him. “Well, there’s only one way to find out,” Meyers said, “a long, nasty, long primary season where you two are gutted emotionally and politically, debating each other’s last brain cell on the ground. destroying the Republican Party and everything you stand for until there is only one man left in the GOP to run in the election: Jeb!
“Strange applause for Jeb,” he said of a photo of little brother Bush, whose campaign closed in early 2016 GOP primaries.